What to get your dad for Christmas when he says he wants nothing

My dad is nearly 70. He's precise, factual, and remembers things most people wouldn't bother to keep. I once asked him to tell me about his first day in his first job. Fifty-one years later, he gave me the exact date and the full name of everyone who worked there.

That's who I'm shopping for. Here's what I've worked out about buying for a dad who wants nothing, and 12 ideas that actually might help you.

Why dads say "nothing"

It's rarely modesty. Usually it's one of three things.

He really does have what he needs. By 60 or 70, most dads have bought the tools, the gadgets and the good coat. Another thing is just another thing to find a place for.

He doesn't want you spending money on him. For a lot of dads, providing is the job. Being on the receiving end feels backwards.

He's never been asked properly. "What do you want?" is a hard question. "Would you rather have a day out or a new kettle?" is an easy one. Dads answer the easy one.

So stop asking what he wants, and start noticing what he does, what he talks about and what he'd never buy himself.

12 Christmas gift ideas for a dad who wants nothing

1. Do one of his jobs, properly

Every family has one job Dad does that nobody notices: the gutters, the bins, the car, the boiler, the one who knows where the stopcock is. Take one over for a year. Write it on a card: "The gutters are mine now." He'll protest and then quietly be delighted.

2. A day out doing the thing he always talks about

Every dad has a story he tells more than once: the railway he used to take, the football ground he stood in as a boy, the harbour where he learned to fish. Take him back. Drive, sort the lunch, and let him tell the story again on location.

3. The place he's always wanted to go

I asked my dad to tell me about a place he'd always wanted to visit. He said Alaska. I went there at 23 and had absolutely no idea. If your dad has a place like that, even a scaled-down version, like a documentary night with the right whisky, shows you were listening.

4. Tell Me: a gift that asks him about his life

Full disclosure: I built this one.

Tell Me sends your dad two questions a week by WhatsApp or email, things like "Tell me about your first car" or "Tell me about your first pay packet". He answers when he likes, by typing, voice note or photo, and every answer is saved into a private family archive.

My dad was sceptical at first. A few weeks in, he told me he hadn't "done his Tell Me today", like it was the crossword. Half his answers start with "I could go on for hours about this". He remembered my mum and dad's first car's registration, 45 years on.

It works well for dads specifically, because it doesn't ask them to talk about their feelings. It asks them about facts, places, cars and jobs, and the feelings come along anyway.

As a gift, it's a year of questions paid up front, starting when he answers the first one, with no automatic renewal. You can print the card at home, have one posted (UK, last posting date 15 December) or schedule an email for Christmas morning. See the Christmas gift.

5. A proper version of the thing he's patched up

Look around his house. The torch held together with tape, the secateurs that don't close, the reading glasses with one arm. Dads who want nothing often tolerate broken things for years. Replace one with the good version.

6. A match, a gig or a race, with you

Tickets to watch something he loves, with you in the next seat. The seat next to him matters more than the event. If his team is terrible, even better; there's bonding in suffering.

7. His old photos, sorted

Somewhere there's a box of slides, prints or negatives from before you were born. Get them digitised and put the best on a tablet or a digital photo frame so he doesn't have to dig them out. Then sit with him and ask who everyone is.

8. The car he learned to drive in

A scale model of his first car, or a print of the model in the right colour. It's a small gift with a huge conversation attached. Ask him the reg; there's a fair chance he knows it.

9. A record, a film or a book from when he was 18

The album he wore out, the film he saw at the pictures on a date, the book he read on a holiday. Find it in a format he can actually use. If you're not sure what it was, that's a question worth asking.

10. An experience he'd never book himself

A driving experience, a distillery tour, a steam train ride, a flight lesson, a day at a fishing lake. Most dads would never spend the money on themselves, which is exactly why it works as a gift.

11. Something made by the grandkids

A framed drawing, a calendar of their photos, or a video of the grandkids asking him questions. Grandad will pretend it's no big deal and then show it to everyone he meets.

12. Your time, booked in

A standing monthly pint, a Sunday walk, or a breakfast once a month. Put the first date on a card. Of all the gifts on this list, this is the one most dads would pick if you actually asked them right.

"Nothing" usually means "you"

Here's what I've come to believe. When dads say they want nothing, they mean nothing from a shop. What they'd like is to be asked about their life, to have someone interested in the stories they've been carrying around for decades, and to be treated as the interesting person he was long before he was your dad.

He was your age once. He felt everything you're feeling now. The best gift might just be finding out about it.

Whatever you get him this year, add a question on the card: "Tell me about the best Christmas present you ever got." You've no idea what's sitting there waiting.

If you want more to ask him, here are 100 questions to ask your parents, and if you're buying for both of them, try gifts for parents who have everything.

Frequently asked questions

What do you get a dad who says he wants nothing?
Skip things and go for time, experiences, or gifts that show you listen: a day out doing something he loves, tickets you share, one of his jobs taken off his hands, or a gift that gets him telling his stories.

What's a thoughtful Christmas gift for an older dad?
Anything personal to him: his old photos digitised, a model of his first car, a record from when he was 18, or a way of capturing his stories and voice. Plenty of older dads are still busy and active, so gifts that celebrate who he is now go down well.

What can I get my dad that he won't buy for himself?
Experiences he'd call too indulgent, good-quality replacements for things he's patched up, and anything that's about him rather than the house.

What's a good last-minute gift for dad?
Event tickets, an experience voucher, or a digital gift you can print at home or email for Christmas morning.